The one about being single. January 17, 2008
This is not going to be a post about me complaining about being single. Yes, I haven’t had a real boyfriend in nearly 8 years, and it doesn’t look like I’m going to have one soon, and it sucks ass, but that’s not why I’m writing.
There was a thread on GCN awhile back about being single, and whether some people are meant to be single forever. There were lots of posts about people slowly becoming okay with it, that God has somehow called them to be single. I didn’t respond to the thread, but I had a hard time reading it. I mean, isn’t there supposed to be someone for everyone? All my life, I’ve always heard about “the one”; the one that completes you, that you’re supposed to be with forever. I’ve also heard, “there’s someone for everyone out there”. If that’s true, then why are they’re so many people, gay and straight, that haven’t found that person? How long does it take?
There are lot of people my age and younger that have figured that out,find that “one”. I’ve been already invited to 2 weddings this year, and I know tons of people who are having babies. Every time I go to a wedding, or visit someone who’s just had a baby, I’m starting to be asked the question, “So, Nikki, when are you going to get married/have a baby?”. And I don’t have a response.
I know I’m rambling alot, but I’m starting to worry that I’m going to be one of those people that doesn’t have a “one and only”, that God is intending me to be single. And right now, that is not okay with me. In the back of my mind, I’ve had this internal timeframe, that I’d be married by 23, and having my first kid at 25 or 26, and be done with kids by 31 or 32. I’ve often wondered how I came upon that particular time frame, and I guess you could chalk it up to society. Even in this day and age, you’re still looked down upon if you’re not married, and don’t have kids. So,girls my age are rushing around, trying to find a husband, so they can have kids, and by doing so, that makes you okay. But does it? Do I really need to get married and procreate to be happy? If you asked me this a year ago, I would have said yes. Now, I don’t know. I’ve met so many people on GCN, and they don’t have the one, and they’re truly happy, because they feel that it’s what God wanted for them. I wonder how I can get that happiness.
Most of you know about M, and that whole situation. I used to think that he was the one. And I kind of still do. Or at least, I hope he’s the one, because the thought of being alone for the rest of my life is terrifying, and I’m not at the point where I can be okay with that. I still have hope that Olaf is out there, but if he’s not, I hope that I can be like some of my friends, and learn to be happy, to accept what God has for me. And to stop listening to cheesy love songs, which sparked this little ditty.
